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November 19, 2010

Erev Shabbat

Vayishallehehu, Adonai Elohim miGan Eden laavod et haAdama asher lukach misham. God the divine power sent Adam forth from the Garden of Eden to work the soil from which he was taken. Vayishalcheyhu: God sent us forth from the Garden (Gen. 3:23). This Shabbat, this line, and its leading word rumbles with mythical meaning. It heralds a moment of leave-taking, when we come down into this world, leaving the safe confines of paradise and secure oneness. You might say that this Vayishalcheyhu, this sending forth foreshadows the opening word of our parashah this Shabbat, Vayishlah, when we read: "And Jacob sent forth messengers to his brother Esau.”

What do these two Sendings have to do with one another? One way to read the Torah is an encoded form of our soul’s journey. And if so, each story and each passage is speaking to us personally. Vayeshallhehu/ Vayishlach: Each version of this word heralds a critical moment in our own existential journey. The first is when God sends us forth; releasing us into history, into this world of duality, where we must confront our mortality, and the pain, and danger, and glory and destiny of our existence. The second sending forth occurs as our ancestor Jacob takes his leave from the confines of his Uncle Laban’s house and prepares to send himself forth, to face his past, to encounter the darkness in his soul, the empty places within himself that he fears, pursuing a greater wholeness.

For both ADAM &Eve and Jacob, these two sendings forth are accompanied by a resounding crash, a humbling confrontation with reality. What has been assured of and easy up to this point, is now, no longer. Both leave takings are filled with danger and the testing of mettle.

Our ancestor Jacob who has come in to undeserved privilege and blessings all his life is now trembling in fear. He divides his enormous estate into two, and then, in the middle of the night, he tries to secure his assets by taking his wives children, maids and helpers and livestock across the River Jabbok. He is a divided man. (32:25) Vayivater Yaakov Levado…and he is so alone. He hasn’t been this alone with himself for perhaps twenty years, since he fled his mother’s home as a fugitive. This is an awesome moment in the Torah, when everything hinges on Jacob’s ability to be alone with himself. Will he be able to do this? to put his head down on the unadorned earth, without armour or pretense and experience not his greatness but his woe? to dissolve his outward persona of treachery and cunning, which can no longer help him, in the salty tears of fear, and helplessness?

People say that every moment in life is sacred. Every moment is an opportunity for opening, for holiness, for awakening. But I am not so sure. I think, there are moments and there are moments. This is a moment in the life of Jacob when he will confront all that is dark in the universe, all that is dark in himself and wrestle it down, hold it down, be wounded by it. And he will be changed forever, he will earn a name, a blessing, and the presence of God but he will limp forever. And paradoxically, he will come out more whole. As we read: Vayavo Yaakov Shalem.

Being alone in the middle of the night and wrestling with a dark stranger is at the root of our tribe. And while it might sound glamorous, and dramatic and cool, believe me, such an encounter with darkness is not a thing one would ever willingly invite.

Tonight many of us are shaken with the power of a dark ordeal in our midst. As two of our beloved friends, Andi Jason and David Simon are wrestling with a moment of their lives like no other, a moment of destiny, a moment of agony that will shape them forever. Losing Jesse, their beloved 16 year old son, is an unspeakable loss, an existential agony for Jesse’s parents, and a tear in the fabric of our community, and the world. While they are not alone because our love and prayers are enveloping them so tenderly, they, like Jacob experienced, this a moment of profound aloneness, because there is no one but they who can wrestle with this dark angel of fate.

But Andi and David are us and we are them. They are wrestling now in the most profound way, but each of us is called to wrestle at some point, with the mystery of our existence and the reality of God---to whom we will one day be asked to give an account of our lives. This is a Jacob moment, when we can no longer manipulate or turn away or deceive or charm or shmooze or pretend our way out of the situation, because there is no one there but us and God. Like Jacob, we are asked to sit into the truth of our being and face Hashem.

After his wrestling match, when Jacob has gone through the eye of the needle, and limps toward his brother, when he is utterly exhausted and feels he has nothing left to lose. Because he has already faced his greatest fears. He is now, somehow, at peace.

Jacob says: Seeing you my brother is Kir’ot P’nei Elohim: like seeing the face of God. God’s face turns up in our lives in many forms. And sometimes it turns up in many forms all on the same day. The face of self sacrifice and loving arms that hold us. The face of Shabbat peace and the face of our friends who smile at us even when we cannot begin to love ourselves. And Sometimes the face of God turns up in the forms that are the most painful, filled with enigma, raw irony and yes, tragedy.

The Torah seems to be saying that embedded into our existence is the fact of Vayehsalcheyhu, of being sent forth out of the Garden, out of our comfort zone; and into our aloneness. The Torah seems to be saying that Throughout our lives, we come down into this world, sent forth from the Garden of our comfort and complacency, from the temporary fantasy of our immortality and power , to face moments of destiny, when we must wrestle the dark forces of fate, and look into the face of God… in all its many forms.

No, not all moments are the same. Some are moments when we must be alone. When we must wrestle mightily. When we must face fate directly. When we must allow what we have built up, raised up, held to, and identified with to fall asunder. These are moments of Vayeshalchehu being sent forth. Tonight, as we reflect on the power of life and death, light and darkness, friendship and aloneness, let us give thanks for the beauty of Shabbat rest, for each other, for the arms that are here to hold us here on the other side of the Garden.

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