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Closing words at Memorial Service Nov. 23, 2010 by Rabbi Tirzah Firestone

While we honor Jesse (and his life/and all he went through) let’s be very clear that there is no glory in how his life ended. While we celebrate his spirit and ask God that he soar, please hear me when I say bluntly:

there is neither honor nor glory in the act of suicide. While it may look from a distance to be dramatic or powerful and it might tease our minds seductively to just slip away from it all, taking your own life is not cool. In every tradition around the world it is considered a grave act with grave consequences.  And it leaves behind not a brilliant legacy but a wake of pain and agony.

The glory and the ecstasy, my friends, is right here, with each other, doing the hard work of being in a body, on this troubled earth,  and bringing heaven through us. I am recalling the invocation of the great poet who wrote: Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. It is far more powerful and dramatic and challenging to be right here, in this difficult world, than to leave it.

If you are sensitive you may be experiencing many feelings and thoughts in the room today. Grief and celebration and love and compassion for the suffering that Jesse had to go through. But there is also some anger here, and I want to name that feeling too. Anger that Jesse chose to leave us. Anger at the torment he had to go through. Anger at the pain he caused.

A tragedy like this stretches us. In fact, it asks us to stretch ourselves so wide that we can hold different, even opposite feelings all together. So, alongside our forgiveness and compassion and love, may also come anger, or even resentment. Whatever you are feeling, welcome all of it without judging yourself, without pushing any one emotion aside; rather  hold each feeling as important. In the next weeks, all of our feelings will evolve and new ones will show up. What is important is to keep our inner process moving, by talking and sharing and visiting with others and opening our hearts again and again.

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