B’nai Mitzvah Reflections

Madness is craziness, foolishness and sometimes frenzy. The B’nai Mitzvah journey can be exactly this! No matter how organized you are or how much you prepare. For example, I once knew a family who was extremely meticulous in their planning but on the day of the service, the dad forgot his speech at home. It was written on a piece of paper near his desk. As he dashed home with 20 minutes to the service start, the power was off because they realized that in all their preparations, they’d not paid the bill. It can simply be madness.

However, if you can rest in the chaos of studying, invites, Religious School consistent attendance and finding the right tutor; this can be a phenomenal experience for you and yours. Let’s take a quick look at important middot (values) to find some relief to B’nai Mitzvah madness. 

Middah: Calmness

“The calm one is greater than a barrier, and the self-controlled is greater than a conquerer.” - Proverbs 16:32

Remaining calm and ultimately believing that everything will turn out for the better is essential. You are going to get there either way, being crazy in the moment or remaining calm, and remaining calm always achieves results more quickly. 

Middah: Patience

“You can train yourself to be patient. You can train yourself to open the space between the match and the fuse.” 

- Rabbi Yechiel Yitzchok Perr

Sometimes people do things in different ways and in their own timing. The thing to realize is that your timing might not be the same as your child’s or partner’s timing. Set reasonable goals together of what needs to get done and then work together to create a plan that everyone feels comfortable following. It might not be your time, but with teamwork and understanding, it will get done. 

Middah: Joy

“Delight and joy must accompany your every spiritual endeavor. Only when you delight an rejoice in each fine and positive deed will you have the enthusiasm to act in the most ideal manner and add to your deeds every day. Only when the delight and joy in your heart are bound to your fine and positive actions will they be anchored in you.” 

- Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook 

This rite of passage is a very spiritual endeavor. It’s a celebration of your heritage and your child’s personal commitment to being part of that heritage. It would be very easy to approach this time stressed and overwhelmed. However, if you can find joy in every moment from studying to party planning, it will make a difference in the overall experience for both you and your child.